Wishing I Had Tried

Wishing I Had Tried

I think I read my first self help book when I was about 18. On any one of my darker days I’ll be browsing one of the countries disappearing lovely bookshops with my ever patient girlfriend and I’ll pull random self help books off the shelf and say “read that, didn’t help…..read that …loada bull****” etc. My girlfriend once turned to me and said “They all helped, you just might not know how yet.”

In that first book something really stood out to me and has stuck with me and has helped me. The author was talking about why people don’t act on their ideas and was asking you to imagine how you would feel if you got to the point where you are about to depart this world and you suddenly realized there was all this stuff you could of done. It sort of jolted me really. I can’t think of anything worse than laying there dieing and unable to move and feeling the regret and wishing I had tried to do something. At the time I was thinking about writing songs but not really trying, not really knowing if I was good enough etc… so I wrote a song about it.

I tried to imagine what it would be like and how horrible it would be:

Look into my eyes see the hurt inside the smiles just a disguise

I’m jovial and keen upfront but hurting here inside

‘Cause I have wasted time and watched life from the side

I realize right now I should have tried

Now I’m lying on my death bed wishing , wishing I had tried

Watch the silver screen, all the people that are living out my dream

A dream I’ve often thought of as I lie hear it would seem that my only chance has been and gone and been and gone and been

And now I’m lying on my death bed wishing wishing I had tried

Wishing all those days away, wishing I had tried.

Look around the world, all the people

but especially that girl I’ve seen her walking here before

but never said a word I just hope she’ll smile

You never know but I’ve been here for quite a while

I like to think of this song as a call to action and a warning not to let your life end up like this. Go and make that song, have a relationship, paint, risk, learn, buy sell, do all the things that a human being can do. Because even if you do them all there will probably still be a part of you on your death bed saying ”If only I’d….” Or maybe not, maybe the parting words might be more like Oscar Wildes who apparently said "This wallpaper is atrocious either it or I have to go."

I’ll be playing this song and many others at the forthcoming Bunkfest – an amazing free festival of music, food, beer and a great atmosphere. www.bunkfest.co.uk